Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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