i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
