You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
