i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
How does it feel to date your dad?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
