i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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