no, he came in my armpit
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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