your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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