Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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