My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
