I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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