I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
NoShamevember. You game?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
