mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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