I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
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