now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
