He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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