i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
