im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
