This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
