Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
