Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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