There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Randomize
