already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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