that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
