You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
