Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
