no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
