is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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