not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
