Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
