don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
