Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
