never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
