there's paper in my vomit.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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