A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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