i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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