my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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