I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
