i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
No stitches, just platelets and will power
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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