I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
