i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
