chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
