i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
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I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
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I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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