I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
pray to the hookup gods
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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