I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
