Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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