Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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