Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
