she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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