I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
