I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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