Do vagina's smell?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
