Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
