so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
