So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
