im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
