i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
