Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
