Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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