Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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