i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
